


ataxia (working title)

by ClamSquid, sledgewhammers (Legendary_Slime)



Category: Um Jammer Lammy
Genre: 2000s tech, Abusive Parents, Alternate Universe - High School, Ambiguous Age, Angst, Coming of Age, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Manipulation, F/F, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Lesbian Character, Meeting the Parents, Mild Sexual Content, Minor Original Character(s), Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Piercings, Punk Rock, Teenage Rebellion, i like making my comfort characters suffer :.), im so sorry, theyre unamed as of right now lol, this has a plot ok
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-14 00:27:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28912320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClamSquid/pseuds/ClamSquid, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Legendary_Slime/pseuds/sledgewhammers
Summary: Question everything you know; sometimes you can break free from those shackles of conformity.
Relationships: None
Comments: 6
Kudos: 4





	1. i really wish i wasnt lammy in this story

Lammy sighed. It was another uneventful day as she shambled through the halls of the school, meandering from her locker to wherever her feet took her. Everyday typically went this way. Lammy was used to the isolation and the repetition by this point. Few and far between were any connections she’s made to another person after she switched schools, considering also this change happened during her final year of school. She felt even more down than usual today, unsure of exactly why. Nothing particularly bad happened that was out of the ordinary. Perhaps it really was just “one of those days,” even if everyday started to feel like “those days'' to Lammy.

Lammy was an outcast. She knew it. Everyone knew it. She wasn’t even that weird compared to other students. It was just hard for her to make connections. Lammy wasn’t really interested in what most girls were into. She was just part of the average mob of students, not standing out. Despite her decently well-kept, long flowing, red hair, she never seemed to ever attract much interest from anyone, even guys. Lammy was ok with that. She didn’t feel too comfortable dating anyone just yet, even if her father pestered her to get a potential husband from time to time. She’s never found any man she wanted to date just yet. Lammy told her dad she was just finicky and picky with men.

It was after school. Realizing she forgot something in one of her classes, Lammy found herself headed back towards one of the classrooms. She paused and let out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding as she opened the doors. The lights were off; it eased her mind that the room seemed to be empty. Suddenly, she heard noises -- an “ahem” to be exact. Lammy froze. The blood rushed through her standstill, frozen body as she absorbed the scenario in front of her. The lights were off, but there stood two students. Both girls, in very close proximity to each other… their faces dusted pink and parts of their shirts were unbuttoned. Both with confident demeanors, an irritated look in their eyes, and accessories dawning their uniforms that contained a lot of black and… metal? The two girls dart their gaze towards Lammy, staring daggers. Lammy couldn’t even say anything before proceeding to walk away slowly, her face flushed a deep red. She faced the two as she walked away as if they were a pack of wolves.

She felt so embarrassed! Lammy wasn’t entirely sure what she had just witnessed but she just prayed that it wouldn’t come back to bite her in the ass. Whatever those two girls were up to, it wasn’t really her business she figured. She tried to leave as quietly as she came in, not wanting to speak a single word, but her body seized up when one of the two girls in front of her spoke up.

“Hey, wait,” said one of the girls. “Get in here.” Lammy reluctantly did as she was told, taking the initiative to close the door behind her as well. She didn’t know what these girls wanted from her. Her knees shook as she felt lightheaded. She didn’t know what was going on, only that she believed whatever happened was entirely her fault.

“So, you just gonna gawk at us or what? You never seen two girls kiss before?” One of the girls spoke up. She had short black hair, almost styled like a boy’s, and heavy eyeliner on.

"N-no! I-I just… c-came in here for s-something…" Lammy pleaded. Her eyes looked away, averting the glare from whoever this is who scolded at her.

"Augh, whatever," said the other woman as her eyes rolled upwards. "Just go already."

"Hey, shut up!" said the former delinquent.

"B-b-but my… s-stuff…" was all Lammy could usher out before she gave up. With defeat weighing down on her already soured mood, she turned towards the door. Her hand found it hard to even grasp on the knob before turning it.

"Don't listen to her. Get back in here."

If Lammy's heart could sink any lower at this moment, it'd be lodged deep within the Mariana Trench. She felt so horrible for whatever it was she's done just now. She still didn't know what was happening even. Lammy felt above all like an idiot; a stupid, fucking idiot who's probably got what she deserved for all she knew.

A short yelp escaped Lammy as a hand clasped onto her shoulder. "Turn around." That was all she heard before the world around her became muffled. Everything felt like a still hell for a brief moment before reality resumed. Lammy feared the worst. Her hands covered up her face as she obeid the command in a shallow attempt at hiding her very shame.

"Let me see your face."

It took Lammy a moment to respond. Her hands unveiled her head slowly as it turned towards this unknown woman. Lammy's eyes, with their dark purple hue, stared down at the floor, partly concealed with half closed eyelids. Her deep red, long hair dangles well past her shoulders, complemented by what seemed to be nubs of horns along the top. A cute button nose dotted squarely in the center of her face too.

"Has anyone told you how fucking cute you are?"

Lammy blushed, surprised at the sudden compliment. Her? Cute? That was… impossible. In her mind, her looks were completely average… nothing out of the ordinary. There was no surprise she didn't stand out much or didn't have a boyfriend. And here she was, standing in a dark classroom after school with two delinquents who clearly were trying to get… close -- who took the time to tell her she was cute. The delinquent’s words were likely to stay in her mind for a while to come.

“N-not really,” Lammy softly replied, gaze pointed downwards.    
  
The delinquent in question hummed in reply. “So, like my… ‘friend’,” she snickered, “mentioned earlier, you never seen two girls make out before?”   
  
Lammy swallowed and shook her head. Two girls? Wasn’t that, like, wrong? Not normal? Her parents always told her it was wrong and that girls were supposed to be with boys. She’d never even consider two girls being together before. Then again, these were not exactly good examples of what a girl should be, by her parents’ textbook.

The other delinquent spoke up. She had blonde hair with black highlights that was sloppily tied in a bun. “We do more than just kiss, yanno.”

“Yea,” the one who called Lammy cute spoke up, “Sometimes we even fuck.” She had a shit-eating grin on her face.

Lammy flinched at the explicit language, her face becoming even more red if that was possible. F-fucking?? Like, have sex? She didn’t understand. How would they even do that? Her imagination made her feel gross as she tried to fathom the possibilities. Lammy’s thoughts were cut short again when the vulgar girl spoke again.   
  
“Hah, look at your face! I bet you’ve never even touched yourself before. What a pussy!”

T...touch herself? Lammy felt her blood run cold. She’d be lying if she said she hadn’t thought about it before, but… 

“You haven’t, haven’t you? Oh, that’s rich,” the blonde says with overexaggerated sarcasm.

The black haired woman spoke up. “God, just shut up already” she says with a sigh accompanied by an eyeroll. “You’ll have to excuse her. She’s... just a bit testy sometimes, but is it true you never even, er, masturbated before?”

“No!” Lammy yelped out. “Er, I m-mean… m-maybe?” She hung her head, focusing on the dirty floor of the classroom. “I… I don’t know,” she let slip out of her mouth.

Silence floods the room. Lammy’s face was firetruck red by this point from the embarrassment. The other girls in the room take their time in their next response. Lammy didn’t like where this was going. Her guts twisted and turned unrelentlessly and she even felt lightheaded.

“Hey… it’s ok. We all have our first times, I guess.” said the black haired lady.

"Y-yeah…" said Lammy, fiddling her fingers about. "I just…" she started before she looked at the clock. "I-I have to be going now. S-sorry." She tells the two women before leaving with great urgency. Pleads of telling Lammy to wait fall on deaf ears as she rushes along the halls out through the main doors of the school. Lammy was late. Her parents would kill her if she was later than expected back home even by minutes. Sprinting was her only option if she wanted to salvage her evening without much beration. Being late felt like the worst, especially with her parents involved.


	2. Butterfly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Within Hell, a new flame begins to burn bright.

Being late was something Lammy never hoped to be. She sprinted as fast as she could, taking all the shortcuts known to her as well to get home as soon as physically possible. It was just about to be past her curfew, a time set only shortly after school ended for Lammy. She always was a decent runner when she needed to be, but she feared it wasn’t enough. If only those two girls weren’t there to waste her time. Quick glances at her watch revealed nothing as the hands stopped moving however long ago. 

Finally, she made it home. Lammy’s phone simply wasn’t an option as it would be too much of a hassle to pull it out and check the time on it. She lets out a deep breath before entering through the front door. Her room is right there, just a mere distance from the entrance of the house. So close, yet so far, as she was required to tell her parents of any and all homework she had every day. Lammy braced herself and headed upstairs.

Her father was standing there, fully expecting Lammy’s arrival. He glared at her, maintaining full eye contact. It demanded Lammy to do the same, though she could only barely do so back. Silence and tension fill the room as Lammy feels lightheaded. Oh God, how could this happen? She didn’t make any mistakes in such a while and now she had to fuck up now? Before Lammy could continue her thought, her father spoke up.

“Why are you late?”

“I-I… I’m sorry…”

“Why are you late, huh?”

“I-It’s there were these g-g-girls and… they-”

“Fuck off with that” exclaimed Lammy’s father. He walks up to her, towering above as he stares deep into his daughter’s deep purple eyes. “Go to your room.”

“I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry!” Lammy yelled out. Tears well in her eyes as she breaks eye contact with her dad to glance at her mom. She wouldn’t do anything to help, Lammy knew this for a fact. Her mother stands in silence, unwilling to say or act upon anything. The same woman who always told Lammy as far back as she can remember, that she’d do anything for her, that she’d love her no matter what. 

“Go to your room!” her father bellowed, throwing Lammy back into the present moment. It was unbearable to hear, as he shouted directly towards Lammy while being mere inches from her. The volume was that of a lion's roar.

Lammy fled as soon as she could, crying all the while. She rushes down the stairs in such a manner it’s a miracle she didn’t tumble down the flight. Once in her bedroom, she throws her backpack off towards the corner and leaps onto her bed, sobbing. She hates that she brought this upon herself, she hates having to deal with this, and she hates herself most of all for letting this happen. It wasn’t long before her mom barged in without any warning.

“How could you do this? You know how your dad gets when you don’t listen to him.”

Lammy continues her bawling.

“He made it clear when you should be home by school. Now, *I* have to deal with him. You ruined everything. You ruined our whole night.” 

Lammy lifts her face from her soaked hands. “P-please I’m sorry! I won’t be late like this again, please! I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” she trails off as her sadness and loathing overwhelm her yet again.

Lammy’s mother slams the door behind her with a huff. Lammy herself is left behind in her own room, alone. The muffled sounds of argument shroud the household and permeate into the bedroom. Hiding under the pillow was a futile effort for the lamb as the noise broke through it with ease. If only Lammy’s parents didn’t monitor her money so closely, then she’d be able to buy an mp3 and earbuds for moments such as these. She takes notice of the food carelessly dropped on the floor of her room. Granola bars. This… was to be her dinner for tonight.

Lammy sighed as she unwrapped one of the bars, leaning against her headboard. She wiped her tears as she took a small bite and swallowed thickly. The granola felt thick, grainy, and dry as it slid down her throat; it was almost suffocating. Thankfully, her parents had finally stopped arguing… over her. It was always her. She was never good enough, despite how often she did everything her parents asked.

  
  
She idly combed her hand through her long, red hair. It was completely average, not very thick or curly. She often wished she could just… chop it all off. Lammy was never really interested in styling it anyway, and more often than not her hair just got in the way. She suddenly got up and walked up to her mirror, looking at her reflection. Her face was quite plain as well; her parents didn't let her wear makeup or have any piercings. Her body was, in her eyes, completely average as well. She didn’t have the “perfect” figure that guys lusted over. It made her even more undesirable. 

Suddenly, Lammy clenched her fists, feeling tears well up in her eyes again. Why couldn’t she just be… better!? Those girls from earlier, despite their intimidating personalities, were so free and were able to do whatever they wanted. Those girls… Lammy thought back to those girls… the way they spoke to her, the questions they asked her. She felt her face get red as the tears ceased to fall.

She walked back to her bed, sitting down with her hands at her knees. She thought about everything that happened earlier. Their clothes, while the standard uniform is of a polo tee and a skirt, they added their own flair. Tons of necklaces, chokers, makeup, dyed hair and... were their skirts shorter than usual? 

And… what she saw them doing… it makes Lammy blush just thinking about it right now. What were they going to do if Lammy never interrupted? She caught a glimpse of them kissing, but one of them said that they… fuck sometimes? Lammy’s never used that word much before. It wasn’t proper of her to do so, but… that girl said it so casually. How would they... fuck each other anyways? Lammy’s never thought much about how it would work between women before. Maybe their hands would do it? That’s all Lammy could think of right now. She thought more and more about that. It started off as curiosity but now she finds herself… enjoying the thought? Before she knew it, that was all that was on her mind. These girls using their hands on each other.

Lammy awoke from her daydream, a new sensation was to blame. She had… felt this way before but never fully acted on it; it was wrong. Those girls asked her if she’d done “it” before… It was wrong, she couldn’t. What if her parents caught her? They’d hate her even more.

Her parents… No matter what she did, she could never please them. In the end, it didn’t really matter. She wished she could care as little as they did, and do what she wanted; enjoy her life more. Lammy’s eyelids lowered and her expression deepened as she began to focus more on the sensation between her legs. She didn’t have any access to the internet, nor any magazines, so her imagination would have to do. 

Thinking about girls… it was easier than thinking of boys. Normally this would have bothered Lammy, but she was too lost in her own world right now to care. Thinking of how perhaps a girl could use her hand… caressing another. The soft touches, the not so soft. Lammy didn’t realize all of the curiosity she held in the recesses of her mind. She wondered what it would be like if a girl used her mouth? She suddenly let out a breath she didn’t realize she had been holding.

Lammy was tired, more tired than she realized. She was tired of the same pathetic life, the same neglectful parents, the same dissatisfaction. She wanted to break free, escape her sheltered upbringing and experience life. She realized she wanted to have fun, and express herself in new ways, even if it meant… going against her parents. Yeah. Maybe she could do that. 

Going against her parents… Lammy, of course, always has wanted to do that. More accurately, she always wished she was able to. She’s known for ages all the other students had it better at home. Always inviting their friends over; never fearing having to go home everyday. Lammy’s sorrow has all but dissipated by now. A new hatred brews, a loathsome feeling towards the very people meant to protect and support her. Lammy’s felt this way before, now though, a strange confidence fills her. She couldn’t do much… yet. Have to start small. 

Her mind goes back to those two girls, what would they do? Lammy pondered, but as she thought of them, her legs kept shifting. Her heart races just thinking of what they do to each other. What… they could do to Lammy. She couldn’t ignore the sensations between her legs any longer, as her hand continued to stir up euphoria in her body that left her mind feeling blank. 

As the intense feelings finished washing over her entire being, she pulled her hand away, looking at the clear essence that covered her fingers. Her face was flushed and she was slightly panting, as she realized what she just had done… without her parents knowing, or catching her. Something they’d always tell her was wrong. It felt so good, she… wanted to do it again. Lammy smiled to herself. It was a small victory, something so miniscule, but she already felt a weight lifted off her shoulders.

Tomorrow, she hoped she would see those girls again; she felt like she had so much to prove to herself, to learn. Her self extrication had begun, and a new version of herself was entering its metamorphosis. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys, clam here. posting this time instead of sledge. new at this so i hope i don't mess up the posting process at all. this chapter was hard to write in places, but sometimes you really just gotta make your comfort characters suffer
> 
> hope you enjoyed what we have to share

**Author's Note:**

> this has been sitting in my drafts for over a month now just take it
> 
> alternatively, clam and i cook up a story that is meant to explore one's sexuality and identity.  
> a few points to take note of:  
> this will not go above M rating  
> there will be some sexual content but nothing super explicit  
> all characters' ages are left ambiguous because no matter what we say someone will complain.  
> more angst wahoo!
> 
> this ones gonna be a bumpy ride, stay tuned, and thanks for reading if you made it this far.


End file.
